Midnight Thoughts

Why do I exist, what's my religion, what is life, why am I here? All questions that kept on wondering continuously in my mind. How to answer them? Whom to ask? When to ask? Always been reflective, always been a wanderer, viewing the world alone from my cliff…I saw and felt things that can’t be put down in words, held hands and shared stares, hoping they might comprehend to others what I felt and where am I standing. But only few who comprehended, and God they are few and rare! Their light radiated and communicated to mine, but soon I gained, and this light faded. Is it me or them? Can’t tell who’s the cause…Many answers revealed and more questions appeared. The fog from my world started to gradually fade, wonders emerged from within, how can we be so blind? I always felt that something was there waiting, something huge that connects us all and that connects everyone and everything. It’s magical beyond description, the major secrets that got revealed to me was that the whole world conspires to help you achieve your will and your desires, only if they were pure, honest and coming from the heart, in other words it’s when you get connected to your inner self, implies connecting to the world, the universe, hence all people and living things, and above all to the almighty. It’s those silent unconscious prayers that are shed in the darkest nights, crying for the soul to ride the train of harmony and belonging. My world was exploding in divinity and magic, it was pure faith and honesty. That was the light. Distractions wouldn't let me be, the memories of the past haunted me down and the scars bled covering my eyes and blinding it from the ultimate harmony of the universe. Scars that are bleeding fear, anger, hatred, lust, desires. All trying to seduce into riding cloud nine and reaching my euphoria, a euphoria that only leads me away from my true self. What a battle and struggle shed, between the good and the evil, the yin and the yang, a never ending battle. That was another thing that I was blind from, it mustn't be a battle to win but a battle to harmonize between my inner self. You can never isolate two parts of your soul. Your soul could never had existed if it wasn't for its dark and illuminated parts, both were created to harmonize and work together for the oneness of the self, aiming for a higher existence. Along with this battle I learned a fortune about myself, my strength, weaknesses, capabilities, and the purpose of my existence. It was the fact that fear have led me to what I am today. Being vulnerable and exposed, is what nurtured my growth and introduced me to new lessons for me to learn from, and was the main source of my strength. Instead of hiding and wearing my mask that gave me fake identity of looking powerful and strong. Not knowing that these masks are what drained my energy and made the fear grow and control me instead of me controlling it.Yes indeed! You are the creator! and resisting your own power will only weaken you and those who surrounds you. We create our own world and own lives, through choice, and the way that we view it from our perspectives, and most importantly how do we respond. It’s a choice that God has given us. He’s the ultimate listener to our prayers, if we cursed our luck then our luck shall be cursed, if we smiled and looked up in spite of our darkest moments, then our world would blossom and flourish. What inspired my curious soul to wonder more in the beauty of its confusion, was that when I let go of the fear of being exposed, people of wondering hearts dropped their masks and withdrew to me with an open heart, placing it in my hands, for me to love and cherish. It was the most powerful thing I felt. The power of love. It’s the language of all connections between us, it’s the only power that neutralizes fear, which as we all know by now that fear is what creates anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, and all desires. Love is what vibrates security, trust, an unspoken divine language that can be spoken by the glazing stares of an eye, or a simple gentle touch.Mohammed Gabris