Wall-less

Castle shielded by indestructible walls high up aiming for the sky... Secure and stable the castle was... But not even a speck of light dared to enter... Darkness soon become the castle's norm... But no more... the castle cried... A cry cracking down his walls... "I dare not to fear exposure... I dare not to fear invasions... I dare not to fear cracks... But I do dare to fear the darkness"... "May the light tingle my bricks... And the pain acing it's beautiful tricks..."

Mo Gabris

Life in Jeddah

I used to live in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia almost all my life, only visiting Lebanon every summer. Jeddah a beautiful city, with a beautiful life there, very stable. Father with a blissful job, even though he paid his sweat to earn. Loving and compassionate mother with a great white heart, beautiful from the inside out. And two younger brothers, one younger than me by one and a half years and the other by four years, so you can just imagine the situation in the house. My father could afford us a luxurious school to study in and learn, so we were blessed for that. A school with excellent education, and high standard teachers. Friends there were amazing, a handful of them, we still close up till now, despite the distances that separates us. A friendship of more than eight years. It was incredible unforgettable moments together. The times that we used to have after school. Going and having lunch or dinner at our favorite restaurant Al-Beik. Then hanging out at the bowling center, bowling or playing pool, chilling at cafes, or simply going to one of our places and just hanging there. Sometimes for studying before our exams, working with each other on projects, or simply just having a good time. And it was all about having good times. Just no worries, no questions to be asked, and nothing to look for. Life seemed really simple and joyful. Teachers were very supportive and fun to be around, some had creative ways to teach, engaging everyone, and creating a sense excitement behind every class, and of course not all were the same, but we still managed to have a good time in such moments. I remember waking up everyday being so excited to go to school and meet up with my friends and attend my favorite classes and participate in. But before all of that, when I was really young in my early stages at school, I was very rebellious and didn't quite fit well with my classmates and used to get in a lot of fights and all kinds of troubles, I was of course bullied then and avoided by my classmates. I think it was due to the fact that my parents decided to admit me to school at the age of two and the half. I was still very young, I can still remember my first day in school the principle herself carried me and took me to class, I was crying hysterically, yelling punching and kicking her, and cursing. I remember my father's gentle eyes looking at me, and standing down the stairs telling me not to worry and promising me that he's going to be there waiting for me at the gate. That gave me a comfort even though I knew it was a lie. I think it went on the situation for almost a year, creating a great sense of insecurity inside of me, and fear of losing the ones that I love, and that fear of being alone or left out in world of strangers. But later on as I grew up I kind of adjusted to sudden changes. But that fear of losing the ones that I loved and being lonely was planted in me till now. Funny how memories of the past still echoes until now, trying to tell us something.

My birthday at school, am with the one holding the dog. Half of the people in the picture we're still close friends till now.

In my teenage phase, KSA was like a time for reflection to me. A calm place my roots of light to grow not knowing the purpose but following a beating heart. A regular life we had there. Great friends, great food, great house fueled with a loving family, and supportive people close to our hearts. On weekends we used to go to public park and gather with some of our close friends, or going to beach, which was my favorite. It’s always vast and full of life despite it’s depth. And my favorite part was that it wasn't crowded at all, only handful of people. And the best part when the sun starts to set. My family and our friends would be starting to pack and I would just stand there looking at the sun sinking into the ocean with it’s beautiful light orange color. I would just stare and smiling as if I had a clue of what’s coming. I didn't have to worry about the future, it was one of these rare moments in which you would feel present. My parents worked hard to make sure we won’t worry about the future and taught us how to live in the present and just be. Their positive outlook on the future just amazed me the way they talked about building our dream home in Lebanon, and describing how it would look like, with a beautiful smile on their faces. It was easy for me to daydream and see joy in everything, I saw true beauty and hope in everything. That small flower shop down the corner looked so beautiful, with it's diverse and fancy plants and flowers, wondering about their origins and the places they grew in. Looking at people in their cars when we used to stop for traffic, wondering about their lives, and the backgrounds that they came from, stories that they had, and things they saw in life. Or those stars in the sky wondering who's looking at them at the same time that I am and who they can see from up there. Sunsets were divine they just calmed my soul every time they settled, and the beautiful strange things about Jeddah is that life starts there at sunsets. Families gathering at night sitting together for dinner or watching a movie. Having guests and dear friends, playing games, and eating what we like. Playing cards, or video games, watching a movie in the dim lights or just listening to music. Going out for shopping malls, or going to the park for small walks, or soothing dinners at the shore of the beach. It was a beautiful life. And it was life. Or was it?


I always knew there’s more in life. There’s something out there with a bigger meaning than providing a safe and secure life. But things are not perfect all of the times. Golden innocence scared by the viciousness of wounded hearts, contaminated by a blinding poison. It was what gave life to the war of the inner wolves. The white and the black. Joy and pain. And what a beautiful mixture. But it was a lot for a child to bare and take responsibility of. Trying to mend the scar, bringing only more pain. I feared. But my fear guided me gripping on my hand, showing me the way, and opening my eyes on corners of realizations. Key to portals of strength. And life moved on. I perfected the art of suppressing my dark box, almost forgetting it consciously. As life moved on trying to let go, and avoiding to face my demons, which created the monster that only stroke with no further signs, that monster of loneliness. Despite all of the people that surrounded me and the friends that I had, that gave love and support. I still couldn't feel any of their love and couldn't relate to any, I was lonely but never sad. As if that feeling of loneliness had a lesson to teach. I wasn't quite sure but was at peace with that. Was it always at peace? No. At times it killed me because I wasn't patient, it killed me because I desperately needed a shoulder to cry on, and I was tired of being that shoulder all the time for others. That feeling of observing silently and waiting for someone to look at your soul through your eyes and say "I feel what’s inside, without saying a single word". A gentle touch that no you’re not alone and I see what you see. But I loved my wondering confusion, it created my endless curiosity of searching, and diving into people’s souls through their eyes. I recall one of the most joyful moments that passed through my life in Jeddah was the birth of my little sister. She was our little angel. Pure joy. Referring to a brief past of my parents. Before I was born, my parents had our first angel, my elder sister. She was a divine beauty, with her dark black hair, sparkling blue eyes, bright snow white skin, and rosy lips. But at the age of two she was taken gently by the angels to heaven. Her death left my parents in a dark pain. My mom losing a piece of her heart at a very young age, and my father’s angel was no more. It was a cloud that covered my family and relatives for a long while. Afterwards having my baby sister was a reminder of God’s true blessings. A baby girl that my parents missed to have in years.

                                                                                                                                    

Child's Flame

Glazing flames of passion growing inside, having thoughts that he didn't own. Taking him through a wondering mind, to places that he never been before, but he felt that he was there before. A journey of paid tickets to a place that he don’t own, that he doesn't know… But he just felt... His daydream… His midnight Euphoria… The only portal was through that sparkle in his eyes craving the universe, craving the world, craving the unseen. He grew up with this flame, whispering to him, “wait!...be patient!.... it’s all coming!”… Warmth of that voice soothing that child’s soul. “Not to fear those monsters coming from the darkness”. “Despite those drizzling tears, smile and hold your head up high”. “ Angels are here to guard you, and help you stand up”. “After being slipped into the devil’s hands and left drowning into the darkness. I heard your silent cries child. But you had to see it all and feel the pain, because your meant to serve a bigger cause. The pain is a must to give you strength, for yourself, and most importantly, others; feeling theirs and responding to it. Pain is your gift child. But it’s beautiful. It’s Joy”. The flame asking with a confident smile already knowing the answer: “Can you feel it child?” …” YES!!, I do feel you life”…Child’s enthusiastic reply... “I do feel you my purpose”… The child only spoke through his eyes, reading people’s stories through theirs. Stories of fears, pain, thoughts and intentions. His dreams were the portal for another dimensions of living and experiencing. A whole different definition of what’s there. He created his own tools. A tool called “The power my thoughts”, “The power of my daydreaming”. Turning his reality into a playground for his thoughts and dreams. He felt like he was there, he was everywhere. No ownership of any place, dreams, thoughts, or emotions. “Are we connected? Is it a we or a whole me? And is that me a whole of us?” The child wondered. It was enlightenment, the simplest form of existence yet the rarest. He stumbled with lots in his path. Shared his vision… Lived his reality… He met people that he never thought they existed. He wasn't alone. They saw what he saw, and felt what he felt… It was pain what they shared. But joy! that they all could share. Some carved his way, others gave him tools of guidance expanding his vision and feeding his warm flame. He saw himself in them, they were his reflection. He had all the dots… And he started connecting… A connection of divinity…
Mohammed Gabris

Midnight Thoughts

Why do I exist, what's my religion, what is life, why am I here? All questions that kept on wondering continuously in my mind. How to answer them? Whom to ask? When to ask? Always been reflective, always been a wanderer, viewing the world alone from my cliff…I saw and felt things that can’t be put down in words, held hands and shared stares, hoping they might comprehend to others what I felt and where am I standing. But only few who comprehended, and God they are few and rare! Their light radiated and communicated to mine, but soon I gained, and this light faded. Is it me or them? Can’t tell who’s the cause…Many answers revealed and more questions appeared. The fog from my world started to gradually fade, wonders emerged from within, how can we be so blind? I always felt that something was there waiting, something huge that connects us all and that connects everyone and everything. It’s magical beyond description, the major secrets that got revealed to me was that the whole world conspires to help you achieve your will and your desires, only if they were pure, honest and coming from the heart, in other words it’s when you get connected to your inner self, implies connecting to the world, the universe, hence all people and living things, and above all to the almighty. It’s those silent unconscious prayers that are shed in the darkest nights, crying for the soul to ride the train of harmony and belonging. My world was exploding in divinity and magic, it was pure faith and honesty. That was the light. Distractions wouldn't let me be, the memories of the past haunted me down and the scars bled covering my eyes and blinding it from the ultimate harmony of the universe. Scars that are bleeding fear, anger, hatred, lust, desires. All trying to seduce into riding cloud nine and reaching my euphoria, a euphoria that only leads me away from my true self. What a battle and struggle shed, between the good and the evil, the yin and the yang, a never ending battle. That was another thing that I was blind from, it mustn't be a battle to win but a battle to harmonize between my inner self. You can never isolate two parts of your soul. Your soul could never had existed if it wasn't for its dark and illuminated parts, both were created to harmonize and work together for the oneness of the self, aiming for a higher existence. Along with this battle I learned a fortune about myself, my strength, weaknesses, capabilities, and the purpose of my existence. It was the fact that fear have led me to what I am today. Being vulnerable and exposed, is what nurtured my growth and introduced me to new lessons for me to learn from, and was the main source of my strength. Instead of hiding and wearing my mask that gave me fake identity of looking powerful and strong. Not knowing that these masks are what drained my energy and made the fear grow and control me instead of me controlling it.Yes indeed! You are the creator! and resisting your own power will only weaken you and those who surrounds you. We create our own world and own lives, through choice, and the way that we view it from our perspectives, and most importantly how do we respond. It’s a choice that God has given us. He’s the ultimate listener to our prayers, if we cursed our luck then our luck shall be cursed, if we smiled and looked up in spite of our darkest moments, then our world would blossom and flourish. What inspired my curious soul to wonder more in the beauty of its confusion, was that when I let go of the fear of being exposed, people of wondering hearts dropped their masks and withdrew to me with an open heart, placing it in my hands, for me to love and cherish. It was the most powerful thing I felt. The power of love. It’s the language of all connections between us, it’s the only power that neutralizes fear, which as we all know by now that fear is what creates anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, and all desires. Love is what vibrates security, trust, an unspoken divine language that can be spoken by the glazing stares of an eye, or a simple gentle touch.Mohammed Gabris

Silent Ghost

Silent ghost stretched through the two sides

Lived, existed,observed, and wondered

Truth was revealed, realization and awareness came to his life

"A shinning diamond with a spark"

The ghost decoded and exposed

The diamond was presented to the sides...

It CRACKED, blown by waves of ignorance 

Infused with anger and hatred

Resistance, and preservation was the ghost's confused reply

Guarded with his soul or what's left of it

Embodied his values and principles to embellish it

But NULL, exposure dragged an endless chains of cracks

Glazing radiance started to fade 

Cracks leaked it's essence and vitality of it's own and beholder

Waves were bold, doubtful, cloudy, and misled

Ghost's path was narrowed to two separate grooves

Exiled with the retention of his Diamond

Or accepted with the diamond's withdrawal into a fading spark

Tears of a trembling pain were shed

Driven by fears, shaped by a dark tunnel of hopelessness

But hope was retained, when the pain was beautiful

His heart was crystallized and curved securing his diamond

The strength and wisdom lied in the fearless dive in the depth of his soul 

Nurturing it with the power of a silent observer

Radiations of a fearless Aurora exploded from within

Astonishing was the withdrawal of waves towards it

Feeling of numbness stroke

They were helpless, paralyzed, weren't able to comprehend

But what mattered the most...

Other silent ghost's existed and revealed 

Decoding his phenomena, grasping the actuality of his diamond 

Polishing it with a bolder spark and a darkness's blinding glow

That was the journey of his life

Waves depleted the inquiry of his aim 

Silent ghosts fulfilled the thirst of his sparkling glow

What a beautiful pain

The silent ghosts were the waves.....Waves with a hidden and forgotten diamond

Mohammed Gabris